A Slightly Different Team
by Grymloq
Summary: In which Ruby kicks some ass, Weiss gives zero fucks, Blake is pissed off, and Yang tries to get into everybody's pants. Formerly titled RWBY Retold. Slight WhiteRose.
1. Ruby the Badass

**Disclaimer: RWBY is property of Rooster Teeth and the late, great Monty Oum.**

Chapter 1

"Please, just take my Lien and leave!" the old man pleaded.

"Calm down, we're not here for your money," Roman Torchwick replied, "…although that's not a half bad idea." He thought for a moment. "Oh, fuck it," he said, shrugging. "Grab the Dust _and_ the money." His (or rather, Junior's) henchmen complied.

One of the thugs was heading down towards the back of the store, when he spotted a short figure in a red hood and cape, facing away from him and reading what appeared to be a magazine of some sort. He drew his sword. "All right, kid. Hands where I can see 'em," he snapped. There was no response.

 _Oh, Oum look at that one,_ thought Ruby Rose as she stared at the weapons magazine she was reading. _A pair of sais that transform into pistols._ She turned the page. _And there's a battle axe that turns into a fucking railgun!_ She was rubbing her thighs together. She was definitely breaking out Crescent Rose's "special" attachment tonight. Ruby was suddenly brought out of her weapons fetish-induced haze when a hand grabbed her by the shoulder. The red reaper turned around, causing her hood to fall back, revealing not only her face, but also the headphones covering her ears. The thug who had grabbed her pointed to his ears. Getting the message, Ruby took her headphones off. "Yes?" she asked, both curious and more than a little annoyed.

"Hands in the air," the criminal said.

"Are you… robbing me?" Ruby asked, as if she couldn't believe what was happening.

"Yes!"

Ruby looked at him for a few seconds, before grinning widely. "Yay!" she cheered, much to the thug's confusion.

Roman was waiting for his men to finish packing up the stolen goods when he saw one of the aforementioned men get knocked back, crashing into the wall behind him. He gestured at two of the others to go investigate, only for them to get knocked back as well, this time through the window. He looked out, and saw that a red cloaked figure had gone outside with them.

Ruby was grinning widely as she faced the criminals, Crescent Rose unfolding into its scythe form in her hands. She twirled her beloved weapon a few times before slamming the blade onto the ground.

"Okay…" Roman said. "I'd be lying if I said I expected this." Looking at his henchmen (who were just standing there, staring at the girl), Roman sighed in exasperation. "I shouldn't even need to say this, but… Get her!" They rushed to comply while Roman casually walked out of store behind them. He had a feeling he would have to intervene personally.

He was proven right when the girl easily took them out grinning all the while. Funny, she seemed to remind him of someone. He thought for a second before the answer came to him: Neo. The girl reminded him of Neo. _Well, not quite,_ he thought to himself. _Neo would have literally slaughtered them. So she's more like Neo Lite._ He remembered the last time he'd been in prison. Neo had busted him out, killing the guards, and many of Roman's fellow prisoners, on the way. When they'd left, she'd brought the warden with them. The authorities had found the warden a week later. He'd been still alive, although after days of enduring Neo's sadistic attentions, the warden had probably wished he wasn't.

Roman was brought out of these happy memories when he realized that the girl was charging towards him. He quickly brought his cane, Melodic Cudgel, up, blocking the swing of the huge scythe. Ruby looked surprised at this before grinning again. "Oh good," she said, "Somebody that can put up a fight!" She then swung Crescent Rose again, and again, and again, all to no avail; Roman blocked each time. She was then knocked back with a kick to the gut.

Roman aimed Melodic Cudgel at her, the bottom opening up. He fired a firework-like shot at Ruby, who dodged easily before charging again. She activated her semblance, leaving her trademark rose petals. Roman couldn't react fast enough this time, although his aura managed to absorb the damage from Crescent Rose. The self-styled criminal mastermind quickly aimed his cane at the ground firing a round before immediately letting go. The recoil from the shot sent the cane flying up, connecting with Ruby's chin and sending her flying. She fired up her semblance again, while folding up Crescent Rose into its gun form. Ruby actually seemed to fly for a bit as she rushed forward in mid-air, aiming Crescent Rose down at her opponent and firing as she did so. He just barely managed to block it. Using her semblance, Ruby bounced off several nearby street lights and buildings like a human pinball, shooting at Roman all the while, who only managed to block about half of the shots.

Roman pointed Melodic Cudgel at the red reaper again, only this time with the hook-shaped handle. It fired out, attached to a long cord like a grappling hook. The handle snagged Ruby, stopping her mid-air bouncing, before Roman swung downwards, slamming the girl on the ground, before retracting the hook back into his cane, yanking Ruby (who was still snagged) back towards him. This proved to be a mistake, as she swung both her feet, connecting with Roman's face and sending him stumbling back. After yanking the handle of Roman's cane off of her, Ruby charged ahead once again, turning Crescent Rose back into scythe form. Roman dodged to the side, scooping Melodic Cudgel up before turning around to face his younger opponent once more.

Their fight was interrupted by the arrival of an airship, which flew down from the sky, stopping above the two combatants' heads. As the door on the side opened, Roman aimed Melodic Cudgel's handle upwards, using it as grappling hook to bring himself up to the safety of the airborne vehicle. Once inside, he turned and fired one last round at Ruby who jumped out of the way. Ruby brought Crescent Rose up, once again switching it to gun form and returning fire, but the airship's door closed before any shots could hit her now former opponent. The airship swung around to face Ruby, who saw the machine guns on the front about to fire.

In the cockpit, the pilot prepared to fire, but stopped. Glowing amber eyes widened as she recognized the figure below her. _What in the name of Monty is Ruby doing here?!_ She then saw another figure running toward the young girl and decided now was a good time to get the fuck out of there.

Ruby swore as she watch the airship fly away before turning to the woman who had just arrived. As she looked at her, with her riding crop, sexy teacher get up and enormous breasts barely contained by the woman's white shirt, one thought occurred to her: _Yang would so want to hit that._

* * *

"Your actions will not be not be taken lightly, young lady!" Glynda Goodwitch said sternly. "You put yourself and others in great danger!"

"Well, what the hell was I supposed to do, just let them steal what they wanted?!" Ruby demanded angrily. They were in what looked like a stereotypical interrogation room, complete with a single hanging light. Glynda brought her riding crop down on the table Ruby was sitting at, prompting an "eek!" from the girl.

"No," Glynda conceded, "but you should have exercised a bit more caution."

"Now, now," a new voice piped up, "let's all just calm down." The owner of the voice walked into the light. Ruby's eyes widened. _Holy shit, it's Professor Ozpin! Oh my Oum, I hope I didn't just blow my chance to go to Beacon!_ Then she noticed the big plate of chocolate chip cookies he was carrying and immediately forgot about everything else. Ozpin set the plate down and was about to tell Ruby that she could have some, before the red reaper pounced on the delicious delights and scarfed them all down in the blink of an eye.

Shaking off his surprise, Ozpin asked Ruby, "Where did you learn to fight like that?"

"S-signal academy," Ruby replied, uncharacteristically nervous.

"They taught you to use one of the most dangerous weapons ever designed?"

"Well, one teacher in particular."

"I see," Ozpin said, "I've only seen one other scythe wielder of that skill before. A dusty old crow."

"That's my uncle Qrow!" Ruby explained, making a mental note to call her uncle a "dusty old crow" next time she saw him. "He taught me everything I know… well, everything about wielding a scythe, anyway."

"So, I assume you want to be a huntress, then?" Ozpin said.

"No, I carry around a big-ass sniper scythe for fun," Ruby replied sarcastically, before remembering who she was talking to. "I mean, yes; yes I do."

Ozpin looked faintly amused. "Do you know who I am?" he asked.

"You're Professor Ozpin," Ruby replied. "You're the Headmaster at Beacon Academy."

Smiling, Ozpin decided to cut to the chase. "Would you like to come to my school?"

"Oh, fuck yes! I, I mean yes. My sister Yang's starting there this year, and in two years I'm gonna apply there."

"How would you like to start now?"

"Say what?"

* * *

"I can't believe my baby sister's going to Beacon with me!" Yang Xiao Long said ecstatically, hugging her sister close. "This is the best day ever!"

"Mph," Ruby replied. That was about all she could say at the moment. Yang was much taller than her, and until she'd met Glynda, the bustiest woman she knew. Because of this, her hugs invariably meant that Ruby's face would be wedged in her older sister's chest. She didn't try to fight it; as Yang was much stronger than her. She simply waited, holding her breath and feeling both her sister's breasts and the flask she had tucked away in her shirt pressed against her face.

"I'm so proud of you!" Yang said, releasing Ruby.

Her face finally freed from her sister's colossal cleavage, Ruby took a big breath before replying: "Really, sis, it was nothing."

"Nothing?" Yang said incredulously, "You call being skipped ahead two years by Ozpin himself nothing?"

"Look, can you just not make a big deal about this, okay?" Ruby asked. "I don't want people thinking I got special treatment or anything."

"Technically, you did."

"Yang…"

"Alright, fine." Yang conceded, before the large screen on the side of the airship they were on caught their attention; more specifically, the news report it was playing.

"The robbery was led by the wanted criminal Roman Torchwick," an off-screen reporter said as a mugshot of said criminal was shown, "who continues to evade authorities. Back to you, Lisa."

Ignoring the rest of the broadcast, Yang turned towards the other hunters-to-be on the airship and began openly leering at them. "Well, I guess I'd better choose which of our new classmates I should… get to know first. And by get to know, I mean fuck."

Rolling her eyes at her sister's nearly insatiable libido, Ruby replied, "I'm surprised you're choosing. I figured you'd want to bang all of them."

"Hey," Yang replied, "Even I don't sleep around that much!"

They were interrupted by a blonde boy running past them, trying (and failing) to keep his lunch down.

"Well," Yang said, "I now know who I'm not gonna fuck."

End of Chapter 1


	2. The Angry Kitty & the Not Giver of Fucks

**RWBY belongs to Rooster Teeth. If it belonged to me, Pyrrha would have defeated Cinder, then fucked Jaune (and all of Team RWBY) afterwards.**

Chapter 2

As soon as the airship landed, Jaune Arc ran out of it before vomiting into a nearby trashcan, much to the disgust (and in some cases, amusement) of those nearby. Ignoring the guy whom Yang had dubbed Vomit Boy, the two sisters stared out at their new school. Naturally, Ruby's attention was quickly taken by the many weapons their fellow hunters-to-be possessed.

"Holy shit, take a look at that fire sword!" Ruby gushed. "And is that a rocket launcher with a chainsaw attached to it?!"

Yang didn't answer; she was too busy ogling the other students. Eventually, one in particular caught her eye; an extremely tall and muscular specimen with a huge sword strapped to his back. "Hello!" the blonde brawler said, "Looks like I found my first lay at Beacon!" With that, she took off.

Ruby sighed as she watched her sister approach her target. While Ruby couldn't hear what she was saying due to the distance and ambient noise, judging from the expression on the boy's face, she could guess. However, they were quickly joined by another girl wearing sunglasses, a beret, and an angry expression. _Must be his girlfriend,_ Ruby thought. Yang wasn't discouraged at all; she simply switched targets, repeating her earlier tactic with the newcomer. The girl soon lost her previous expression and began blushing furiously. After a few moments, Yang swiftly took both of them in each arm and lead them away.

 _How does she do that?_ Ruby wondered, not for the first time. She started to walk away, not really paying attention to where she was going. This proved to be a mistake, as she stumbled onto a luggage cart, sending herself and several white suitcases tumbling to the ground.

"Wow, good job there," said voice dripping with sarcasm (and bitchiness), "I was just thinking that my Dust could use a good tumble."

Ruby looked up and saw a pissed off Weiss Schnee staring down at her. "Sorry about that," she said quickly, handing one of the suitcases to the white-haired girl. _She's cute,_ Ruby thought.

"Sorry?!" Weiss snapped, snatching the luggage from Ruby's hand. "Do you have any idea what could have happened? These suitcases are filled with Dust, dipshit!" To demonstrate, Weiss took out one of the vials and showed it to the red reaper. "See this?" she demanded, shaking the vial angrily. "This is Fire Dust. It's not exactly something you want to knock around!" Too late, she noticed that the seal had come loose, blowing a red cloud into Ruby's face. Her eyes widened as Ruby looked like she was about to sneeze. "OH, SHI-"

"AH-CHOO!" BOOM! The resulting explosion sent the vial Weiss had been holding flying.

Blake Belladonna was walking and reading went a vial full of Dust smacked her in the head, right on one of her cat ears. Angrily, she snatched the offending vial out of the air before it could land, and glared in the direction it had come from.

"And thank you, for proving my point!" Weiss said, brushing leftover ash off of herself.

"You were the one who shook that shit in my face, Princess!" Ruby fired back.

"And it was you falling on my luggage that knocked the seal loose, dumbass!" Weiss snapped. Their argument was interrupted by Blake's arrival.

"Hey!" Blake snarled. "Watch what you're-" She stopped, looking at Weiss. "Wait, you're Weiss Schnee!"

"Oh, wow! Thank you!" Weiss said in mock astonishment. "I'd completely forgotten. Here I was thinking I was someone else!" She snatched up one of the suitcases and presented it to Blake. "Do you mind telling me what this mysterious device is, O Wise One?"

Blake scowled at Weiss's sarcasm. "Figures," she retorted, "a faunus speaks to you, and you act like you're speaking to an idiot."

Weiss snorted. "Do you know how many fucks I give about what you are? Negative fucks." With that, she turned around and stormed away while her butlers picked up the last of her luggage and set it back on the cart before following her.

"Well, that could have gone better." Ruby quipped, before noticing the cat faunus was walking off. "Okay, rude…"

"Hi, there," said a voice behind her. She turned and saw the same boy that had thrown up on the ship. "I'm Jaune."

"Ruby." She said.

* * *

"All I'm saying it, motion sickness is a more common problem than most people realize." Jaune said defensively.

Ruby snorted. "You can say that all you want, but don't expect your new nickname to wear off anytime soon, Vomit Boy."

"Well, my name is Jaune Arc," the blond boy said. "Short, sweet, ladies love it."

"No, they don't."

"They will!"

"I guarantee you, no woman will ever love it."

* * *

Later, the two headed into the main building where the other students were gathering. Ruby spotted Yang waving to her in the crowd. "There's my sister!" Ruby said. "Gotta go! See ya, Vomit Boy!"

"My name's- oh forget it," Jaune grumbled as Ruby walked off.

"Well, you got finished with those two fast," Ruby said as she approached her sister, before noticing that she did not appear to be in the best of moods at the moment.

"I don't want to talk about it," Yang replied, pouting.

Ruby stared at Yang for a few seconds, then grinned. "You made a pun so bad it killed the mood, didn't you?"

"Shut up," Yang grumbled.

"There you are!" said a familiar, bitchy voice. Ruby turned and saw Weiss storming towards her.

"Who's this?" Yang asked, looking the newcomer up and down. "She's kinda hot."

"I'll explain later." Ruby replied before addressing Weiss: "So what do you want, Your Royal Bitchiness?" Weiss answered by shoving a pamphlet in her face. "What's this?" Ruby asked.

"The Schnee Dust Company is not responsible for any injuries… yadda, yadda, yadda, here." Weiss said, shoving the pamphlet into Ruby's hands. "Try and sue and the company lawyers will eat you alive."

Weiss wasn't speaking figuratively. Most of the SDC lawyers were actual cannibals.

"Look, I'm not sure what's going on here," Yang said, "but it sounds like you two got off on the wrong foot. I recommend you kiss and make up."

"Inappropriate, Yang," Ruby said. _Not that I'm entirely against the idea,_ she mentally added.

They were interrupted by Ozpin, who was speaking to the crowd in front of a microphone. "I'll keep this brief," he said. "You've arrived at this school hoping to increase your knowledge and hone your skills. And that's exactly what you're all going to do. It will take hard work and dedication. There are no shortcuts."

With that, he walked off and Glynda took his place. "All first-year students head to the ball room," she said. "You are to sleep there tonight."

* * *

"I am surrounded by prudes." Yang grumbled, flopping down on her sleeping bag next to Ruby.

"Couldn't get anybody to agree to an orgy, could you?" Ruby asked without looking up from the letter she was writing.

"Come on, look around!" Yang said, gesturing at the huge room filled with students preparing to sleep. "This place is practically made for a gangbang!" She thought about it. "More like a gang- _yang_ , am I right?" Yang asked with a shit-eating grin.

Ruby groaned. "That was awful, Yang. Even for you. And wouldn't 'yangbang' make more sense?"

"Oh yeah," Yang conceded, then changed the subject. "Hey, did you know that Ozpin is in the Monty Book of World Records for having Remnant's largest penis?"

Ruby groaned again, for different reasons this time. "Yang, please don't attempt to seduce the Headmaster."

"Relax, I won't try to get into his pants until after we've graduated," the blonde brawler promised, before changing the subject again. "Anyway, tomorrow I need to search the school. Before we left, Uncle Qrow told me all the places he used to hide booze when he was a student here."

"What, you think there will still be some left?"

"Maybe." Yang looked at the letter Ruby was working on. "What's that?"

"A letter," Ruby replied. Yang rolled her eyes.

"I can see that, you little smartass," she said, "I meant, who's it to?"

"It's to the guys back at Signal. I promised them I'd tell them all about Beacon," Ruby answered.

"Well, that was nice of you," Yang said, then changed the subject yet again. "So what happened between you and that Weiss girl?"

Ruby quickly explained what had happened, then notice Yang wasn't looking at her. "What is it?" Ruby asked, annoyed.

"You said that a cat faunus showed up, right?" Yang said.

"Yes."

"That her?" Yang gestured where she was looking. Ruby turned and saw Blake reading in the corner.

"Yeah, that's her."

"Great!"

Without warning, Yang took her sister's hand and began leading, almost dragging her, to where Blake was sitting. "Yang, what are you doing?!" Ruby demanded.

"Just helping you make some new friends," Yang answered, beaming. "And possibly acquiring a new fuck buddy while I'm at it. I hear faunus are demons in the sack!"

Blake looked up from her book as the two sisters approached. "Hello!" Yang sang, "I believe you two may know each other."

"I'm reading here," Blake said, annoyed. "Please go away."

"So, what's your name?" Yang asked cheerfully, ignoring Blake's statement.

"Blake," the cat faunus sighed. "Now, again, go away."

"Well, this is Ruby," the blonde brawler said, gesturing at her sister, then pointed to herself, "and I'm her big sister, Yang."

"That's nice," Blake snapped, "Go. Away."

"Nice night, isn't it?" Yang asked, seemingly oblivious.

"Go the fuck away!" Blake was shouting now.

"Wanna have sex?" Yang asked. "I've always wanted to bang a faunus!"

Blake stared at her, but before she could say anything, Ruby began dragging Yang away, or at least tried to. "Yang, she clearly wants to be left alone!"

"Don't be silly," the older sister replied. "she's weakening; I can tell."

"Would you two just leave?!" Blake demanded.

All of a sudden, Weiss stormed up to the three girls. "Oh, by all means," she snapped, "please continue your shouting! It can't possibly get any more annoying!"

"Oh, not you again!" Ruby groaned.

"This is a private conversation, bitch!" Yang snarled. "Butt out!"

"If it's so private, why don't you try being a little more fucking quiet?!" Weiss retorted. As she continued to bicker with the two sisters, none of them noticed Blake putting her book down and pulling a writing pad seemingly out of nowhere. It was labeled 'Enemies'. She opened it up and turned past several pages filled with names before coming to a page only partially filled out. Pulling a pencil out of her bag, Blake wrote "Ruby and Yang" before closing the pad and putting up.

All of a sudden, the lights went out. "Time for bed everybody!" Glynda's voice rang out. "You've all got a big day ahead of you!"

Ruby, Yang, and Weiss stumbled back to their respective sleeping bags, much to the amusement of Blake, who, being a faunus, could see them just fine.

End of Chapter 2

 **AN: As you may have guessed, Blake does not wear a bow in this story.**


	3. Initiation, Part 1

**RWBY is not owned by me; it's owned by Rooster Teeth.**

Chapter 3

"Wakey wakey!"

Most people would have been startled awake at Nora Valkyrie shouting right in their ear as they were sleeping, but Lie Ren wasn't most people. Having grown up with the crazy girl, he was more than used to all her little eccentricities, including her preferred method of waking him up. So, while he did wake up, it was more akin to somebody waking up to an alarm clock rather than someone almost given a heart attack.

"It's morning! It's morning! It's morning! It's! Morning!" Nora sang as she danced around Ren, who got up and stretched, seemingly ignoring her. "I can't believe we've been at Beacon for a whole twenty-four hours, and I haven't even smashed anyone yet! I mean, just look at what happened with-"

Ren didn't respond, only partially listening to her. After knowing her for so long, he'd learned to tune Nora out, mentally separating what little useful tidbits there were from the insane prattle she so often spouted. Nora obliviously chattered on.

"-and it's about time we appeared! Then again, this is about the same time we appeared in canon, but it's not like other fics haven't had us appear earlier. And what is-"

Ren continued with his morning, i.e. getting dressed, eating breakfast, and generally preparing for the day while Nora continued to prattle at a rapid fire pace, the subjects shifting like sand.

"-also, have you heard the talk about teams and partners? I hope we wind up on the same team together. Can you imagine if we got assigned to different teams?"

Now what she was saying was relevant. "I'll try my best to make sure we're teammates, but if we're not, please take it easy on your actual team," Ren said.

Nora had already switched subjects. "Hey, have you heard about Ozpin? Apparently, he's got the world's biggest-" Ren tuned her out once again as they arrived at the locker room. As he prepared his weapons, Nora did the same, still talking of course. Suddenly, she looked in the direction of two girls speaking to each other. "Hey, who are they? Let's go introduce ourselves!" Nora took off while Ren followed her. He'd better make sure that Nora didn't start anything.

* * *

"You know, Yang, you might want to wait until after initiation to check for any of Uncle Qrow's hidden booze." Ruby remarked as she prepared Crescent Rose while watching her sister search the locker room.

"But we'll be assigned our teams by then!" Yang countered. "Who knows how some of our teammates would feel about drinking? Some of the might be total narcs."

"'Our' teammates?" Ruby said. "You're automatically assuming we'll wind up on the same team together?"

"Don't you want to be on the same team?" Yang asked.

"Of course I do," Ruby answered, "but don't you think-"

She was interrupted by Nora, who bounded up to them with Ren behind her. "Hello! I'm Nora and this guy here is Ren!"

"Um… hi." Ruby said uncertainly. If Nora noticed, she gave no sign. "I'm Ruby. This is my sister, Yang."

"So, you're the protagonist, huh? Been shipped with anybody yet?" Nora asked, much to Ruby's bemusement. A glance at Yang told her that her sister was every bit as confused as she was. Nora simple continued to talk. "So, is there- mph!" She was interrupted by Ren covering her mouth with his hand, not that she noticed. She continued to prattle on, oblivious to the fact that her words were completely muffled.

"Please do not try to understand her," Ren warned. "That way lies madness." With that, he took his hand off of Nora's mouth, who continued right on talking.

"-with nothing but a tube of toothpaste and some paperclips! And I said, 'Like I'm really gonna eat a whole bunch of bananas after that?'"

"Come on, Nora," Ren said. "We'd better head out."

"Alright! Let's go!" Nora took off, literally bouncing off the walls as she went. Ren followed her at a much more leisurely pace.

The two sisters stared at the retreating duo. "Well… that was a thing," Yang remarked. She turned to her left and saw Jaune wandering around, looking down at a piece of paper he was carrying and mumbling. "Hey look! It's Vomit Boy!"

Jaune didn't notice her; he was too busy scowling at the paper in his hands. "There's no way that was my locker number! Why did this have to happen today!?" As he continued to groan to himself, he noticed Weiss and the red-headed girl she was speaking to. _Hello hot white-haired chick!_

"So, Pyrrha," Weiss said, feigning a nonchalant attitude. "Have you decided on who you want to partner up with? I'm sure you've had a shit-ton of people clamoring for your attention."

"I haven't really thought about it much," Pyrrha Nikos said truthfully. "I was planning on just letting the chips fall where they may." She began looking at Weiss up and down. She knew where this was going.

"Well, maybe we could be on a team together," Weiss replied, a bit nervous at the expression on Pyrrha's face. She'd heard the rumors about the Mistralian fighter's… "habits" of course, but she'd taken them with a grain of salt.

"That sounds grand," Pyrrha said, slowly approaching Weiss. The Schnee heiress backed up a bit, starting to regret asking her. Suddenly, they were interrupted by Jaune, who leaned on the wall next to them.

"You know what else is grand?" he asked. "Me. Jaune Arc. Nice to meet you."

"And you expect me to have any fucks to give because…" Weiss countered, feeling an odd mix of relief and annoyance.

"So, I've been hearing rumors about teams," Jaune said, trying way too hard to sound suave and failing miserably. "I was thinking you and me would make a good one? What do you say?"

"Does my recoiling from you in disgust give you a hint?" Weiss snapped.

"No, not really," Jaune replied.

"You know," Pyrrha spoke up, "I believe the teams are composed of four students each."

"You don't say." Jaune said before turning towards Pyrrha and making extremely cheesy poses. "Well, hot stuff, play your cards right and you just might wind up on the winning team."

"Do you have any idea who you're talking to, dumbass?!" Weiss demanded, shoving Jaune away from Pyrrha.

"Not in the slightest, Snow Angel."

"This is Pyrrha Nikos. She graduated at the top of her class at Sanctum Academy."

"Never heard of it."

"She won the Mistral Region Tournament four years in a row. A new record I might add."

"The what?"

Weiss scowled. "She's on the front of every Pumpkin Pete's Marshmallow Flakes box!"

"That's you?!" Jaune gasped. "They only do that for star athletes and cartoon characters!"

"I just wish I'd gotten on the box of a better cereal," Pyrrha grumbled. "That pumpkin stuff is shit."

"And here you are, acting like being on a team with this world renowned fighter would be doing her just a huge favor." Weiss said. "Yeah, real great favor there."

"Hey now," Pyrrha interjected, "I wouldn't mind working… closely with you, Jaune." She walked up to him until they were almost face to face. Jaune backed up a bit, suddenly nervous and unwittingly mirroring Weiss's actions beforehand.

"You've gotta be fucking kidding me." Weiss grumbled as she stormed off.

* * *

The students were gathered at the cliff overlooking the Emerald Forest, each standing atop a platform, while Ozpin and Glynda faced them.

"For years, you've all trained to become warriors. Today, we'll see if you trained hard enough," Ozpin began. Jaune gulped, while the rest of his future classmates simply smirked. "Now, I'm sure you've all heard rumors about partners and/or teams," the Headmaster continued, "We'll put an end to any confusion you might have. Each of you will be given partners. Today." Several students looked apprehensive at that. "So it is in your best interest to pair with someone whom you can work well with. That being said, the first person you make eye contact with upon landing the forest will be your partner for the next four years."

"What?!" Ruby shouted, a sentiment echoed by many of her fellow hunters in training.

Glynda spoke up: "Each of you will make your way through the Emerald Forest. There you will find a series of relics. Each pair will pick up one relic then head to the abandoned temple on the other side of the forest."

"Now, are there any questions?" Ozpin asked.

"I-I do sir-" Jaune began, but Nora interrupted him:

"What's the meaning of life? What's the airspeed velocity of an unladen swallow? What's the sound of one hand clapping? Why did the chicken cross the road? How much wood could a woodchuck chuck if a woodchuck could chuck wood?"

"Forty-two; between thirty to forty miles per hour; woosh; to get to the other side; and around eight to ten pounds every few minutes or so, depending on the size and species of woodchuck, as well as the type of wood." Ozpin replied without missing a beat. "Now are there any other questions?"

"Yes sir!" Jaune spoke up again, louder this time; but Ozpin ignored him.

"Good!" he said. "Now, while the Emerald Forest is teeming with Grimm, they're all of the lesser variety, so have fun with them." Most of the students (particularly Ruby) were grinning fiercely, but Jaune was practically shaking. "Ready your landing strategies children, because you're heading out riiiiiight… now!" All of a sudden, the platforms shot up, catapulting the students standing on them into the air and off of the cliff.

"I thought we were going to launch them one at time," Glynda said.

"Oh yeah, that's a lot of fun." Ozpin said.

* * *

It was a picture of tranquility as a bird flew lazily above the treeline- before a certain red-clad teenager smacked into it.

"Ack!" Ruby cried out, as she frantically wiped off the splattered remains of what had been a small bird, before unfolding Crescent Rose and using its blade to swing herself around the trees. Her new classmates fell all around her, using their own strategies to slow their falls. Weiss summoned glyphs under herself to bounce off them one by one, while Nora slammed her hammer Magnhild into tree after tree, prolonging her flight, cackling all the while. Blake switched Gambol Shroud to its kusarigama form and swung it at a nearby tree branch, using it as a grappling hook; meanwhile, Ren hooked one of Storm Flower's blades around a tree trunk and swung around and down, before landing safely. Yang didn't even bother to slow her descent, choosing instead to simply slam into the ground. She stood right back up, easily tanking the impact of the fall. Jaune, on the other hand, wasn't having such an easy time, and was sure he was going to die, before being snagged by Pyrrha's weapon Milo in its javelin form, pinning him to a nearby tree.

"Thank you!" he called out.

After landing, Ruby took off, looking for her sister. _It would probably be better if she teamed up with somebody who she wouldn't be constantly trying to bang,_ she thought.

"Yang!" Ruby called out. "Ya-" she didn't finish, as she smacked right into a certain girl in white.

"Ow! Get off!" snapped Weiss as she shoved the younger girl off of her.

"Well, I guess this makes us partners," Ruby said.

"No." Weiss replied. "Nuh-uh. Not gonna happen. Absolutely not. No way. No chance in hell. Negative. Fuck no." With that, she stormed off.

"Hey!" Ruby protested. "We're supposed to be teammates!"

Weiss ignored her and continued to walk through the bushes, stopping when she came to a particularly large tree with a certain blond boy stuck to it.

"Uh… hey, Snow Angel," Jaune called out.

Weiss turned around and grabbed Ruby. "By no means does this make us friends," she grumbled.

"You came back!" Ruby shouted as Weiss dragged her off. _Why am I so happy about that?_ she wondered.

"Wait!" Jaune cried out, practically on the verge of tears. "Who's gonna get me down from here?!"

"Well, I guess I could," spoke up a familiar-sounding voice. Jaune looked down and spotted Pyrrha, staring up at him with an unsettling grin on her face.

Jaune chuckled nervously.

* * *

"I swear, if I get a bad grade because you're too slow…" Weiss started, only to be interrupted by her new partner zooming ahead of her.

"Do I look slow to you?" Ruby said, smirking. "Speed is my semblance."

"Whoop dee do for you." Weiss snapped. "If you're done aggravating me, let's get going."

"You know, we're gonna be partners for the next four years, so you might want to try not being a total bitch for two seconds." Ruby said.

"Do you see this face?" Weiss asked, pointing towards herself.

"Uh.. yes?"

"This is my not giving a fuck face."

Before Ruby could retort, both she and Weiss became aware that they weren't alone. Sometime during their argument, a pack of Beowolves had emerged from the forest and had surrounded them.

"Shit," both girls said.

End of Chapter 3


	4. Initiation, Part 2

**RWBY is owned by Rooster Teeth, not by me. If I owned RWBY, Yang's rack would be even bigger. I mean Centorea from Monster Musume level big.**

Chapter 4

"Hello!" Yang called out. "Anybody out there? Hello! I'm getting bored here! And horny!"

She was just about to reach into her shirt and pull out her flask when she heard some noise in the bushes nearby. It sounded like something was moving through them. _I hope it's somebody looking for a roll in the bushes._ Yang thought.

"Anybody here?" Yang said, looking over the foliage where the noise had come from. "Nope," she said as she jumped backwards, just as two huge Ursai burst out of the bushes.

"You guys wouldn't happened to see some good-looking guy or girl in the mood, would you?" Yang asked conversationally. The Grimm simply rushed at her again, with a similar lack of success. "How about a girl in a red hood? Seen her?"

As the two Ursai charged at her yet again, Yang activated her Ember Celica and punched one of them, sending it flying back. "You could just say no. Rude."

The other Ursa growled and- guess what- charged at Yang once more. Yang dodged the Grimm's claws, snickering whilst she did so. "Geez," the blonde brawler said. "You two couldn't hit the broad side of a b-"

She suddenly realized something was wrong. Looking down she discovered just what it was. The Ursa's claws had ripped open her shirt. While she didn't feel any pain (her aura having easily absorbed the blow) something else wasn't so lucky: her flask. Yang's eyes widened as she saw it fall out of her shirt and onto the ground, the precious, precious alcohol inside it leaking out from the holes made by the Grimm's claws.

"You…" Yang snarled, her eyes flashing red and her hair beginning to glow. "YOU BASTARDS!" With that, flames burst around her as she charged forward pummeling the unfortunate Ursa into black paste. As its remains began to dissipate, the other Ursa- having recovered from Yang's earlier, less serious attack- reared up, preparing to eviscerate the blonde brawler…

…before collapsing down, dead due to an attack from behind. On the other side of it, Blake looked down at the Grimm with contempt, before looking back up at Yang and groaned, recognizing her from the previous night. _Guess I'll have to take her off my Enemies List._

"I could've taken it," Yang said, having calmed down. "With my- ' _bear_ ' hands." She smirked.

Blake rolled her eyes and groaned again. _I hope the puns aren't going to be a regular thing,_ she thought.

She had no fucking idea.

* * *

Ruby was whistling a merry tune as she charged forwards. Crescent Rose had become a red blur, slicing apart Beowolf after Beowolf. It seemed like nothing could live within reach of that unstoppable scythe. Ruby continued on her Grimm-killing spree, stopping only to occasionally shoot one of them in the face. And naturally, she was grinning the whole way through.

Weiss, on the other hand, was far more sedate, using her rapier to switch Dusts, freezing, burning, or electrocuting Grimm while using her glyphs to keep any who got around her at bay. If a Beowolf managed to get within her guard, she simply stabbed it. This wasn't as effective as Ruby's strategy, however, as one Grimm managed to get a good hit in before Weiss could bring up Myrtenaster in time, knocking the Schnee heiress back… and into her new partner.

"Hey, watch it!" Ruby snapped, annoyed at her fun being interrupted.

"Oh sorry!" Weiss said facetiously. "I'll make sure to keep away from you while being clawed to death."

"Har dee har har." Ruby replied. "If you're done being a smartass, get back to killing Grimm!"

"Are you out of your damn mind?!" Weiss demanded. "We need to leave before we're completely surrounded!" With that, she grabbed Ruby's arm and pulled the younger girl with her.

"What are you doing?!" Ruby shouted. "They're just fucking Beowolves!"

"They're a fucking LOT of fucking Beowolves!"

"Oh come on, there's not… that… many…"

Ruby trailed off as she saw more and more of the wolf-like Grimm come charging out from the forest.

"Damn. You win, let's go."

* * *

Ren was wandering through the forest, unable to find anyone, when he became aware of something following him. He turned around just in time to see a huge King Taijitu loom out of the grass. Dodging to the side, Ren pulled out Storm Flower and began firing short, precise bursts at the enormous Grimm. As the King Taijitu tried to strike, Ren jumped over its head and slammed both blades into its skull- which only seemed to irritate it. The snake-like Grimm's white head came seemingly out of nowhere, forcing Ren to jump backwards to avoid getting eaten. Unfortunately, this enabled the black head to rear up strike.

"Oof!" Ren grunted as he lost ahold of his weapons. As the King Taijitu's black head moved in for the kill, Ren quickly brought up his arms, stopping the sword-sized fangs with his aura. After a few seconds of struggling, Ren managed to rip off both fangs and drove each into the black head's eyes, blinding it. A few aura-enhanced chops to the back of the neck later, and it was dead. The white head, naturally, didn't take kindly to this, screeching in rage before lunging forwards. But before it could get to Ren, a certain hammer-wielding crazy girl leaped out of the trees and slammed Magnhild into its neck.

"Nora smash!" she screamed, slamming her hammer down again and again, until the King Taijitu's spine was broken in several places. Giggling, Nora then converted Magnhild into its grenade launcher form, and fired a grenade straight down into the white head's open mouth, blowing it up from the inside. Her grisly work done, Nora turned towards Ren with a crazed grin on her face (i.e. her default expression), and tapped Ren's nose with one finger.

"Boop," she said.

* * *

"Well, it seems like our last pair has been formed." Glynda said as she looked at her scroll. "Lie Ren and Nora Valkyrie." Ozpin didn't reply, as he was watching his own scroll. "Poor boy. It's probably only a matter of time before he snaps and kills her. Still, he's better off than Miss Nikos. Not only was that Jaune fellow's aura still locked, he didn't even know what aura is!" Indeed, Glynda had seen Pyrrha explain everything about aura to Jaune, as well unlock it for him, although the way she did it seemed… inappropriate.

"Faked transcripts?" Ozpin asked, not looking up from his scroll.

"Probably," Glynda replied. There was at least one every year. Usually, they were caught and sent home, but if they seemed to have some potential the staff would look the other way. Whether or not Jaune had any potential remained to be seen.

* * *

"I think it's this way," Weiss said. "No wait, that way." She walked around for a few seconds before throwing her hands up in frustration. "Or we could have passed it."

Ruby groaned. "You have no idea where we're going, do you?"

"Hey, at least I'm trying!" Weiss snapped.

"If you're trying to get us more lost, then I say you've succeeded."

"Oh, shut up and keep moving."

"Oum, I wish I could just go back to killing Grimm."

"There is not a number big enough to describe the number of fucks I don't give about what you want."

"Why are you such a bitch?"

"Because I'm a fucking Schnee!"

* * *

"Would you put those away?!" Blake demanded, gesturing towards Yang's torn open shirt.

"Why?" Yang asked, thrusting out her chest. "Are they distracting you?"

Blake gritted her teeth. "I just think it's not very practical hunting Grimm with your tits hanging out."

Yang smirked. "Aww, that's sweet of you, Blakey," she said. "But there's not much I can do. Even when it was intact, my shirt could barely contain my girls anyway." This probably had something to do with the fact that Yang purposely wore shirts a size or two too small, but Blake didn't need to know that.

Blake just growled and continued walking, while Yang followed her so she could check out the cat faunus's shapely ass. After a few minutes, the two came across a clearing with what looked like a ruined temple.

"Think this is it?" Blake asked.

"I think so," Yang replied. "So let's celebrate with-"

"I said no!" Blake snarled before stomping into the temple. She looked at the 'relics'. "Chess pieces?"

"Looks like some are missing," Yang cheerfully remarked. "Guess we're not the first ones here." She examined one of the pieces, the gold knight. "How about a cute little pony?"

"That's fine," Blake snapped.

"You know, if you got laid more often, you wouldn't be so angry all the time," Yang said.

"ANGRY?!" Blake yelled. "I'LL STRANGLE YOU!" With that, she leaped at Yang, intent on carrying out her threat.

* * *

"Think this it?" Jaune asked as he and Pyrrha came across a cave.

"Mmmmmmaybe," Pyrrha said, stepping close to Jaune, who backed up nervously. Sure, the Mistralian fighter had unlocked his aura, but she had done so in way that screamed "Bad touch! Bad touch!"

"W-well," Jaune stuttered, "only one way to find out."

As the two teens made their way into the cave, it soon became apparent they would need light. "Uh, Pyrrha," Jaune asked, "you wouldn't happen to have a flashlight or something, would you?"

"Why, yes I do," Pyrrha said, pulling the object in question seemingly out of nowhere.

"Great. You take the front then."

"Sure thing."

After several minutes of wandering in the cave, Jaune became less and less convinced they were going the right way. Just as he was about to voice his concerns, however, Pyrrha dropped the flashlight, breaking it and plunging them into total darkness.

"Oh no," Jaune groaned, then jumped as he felt a pair of feminine hands on him. "Uh… P-Pyrrha, what are you doing?"

"Shh… just let it happen…" his new partner whispered.

Jaune whimpered, before spotting a yellow glow out of the corner of his eye. "Hey, look! It's the relic!" Somehow, he manage to get out of Pyrrha's octopus-like grip and stumble over to the source of the light, much to the Mistralian fighter's disappointment.

However, Jaune soon discovered that it wasn't the relic…

* * *

Yang and Blake looked up, searching for the source of the high-pitched scream echoing throughout the forest, the latter getting off of the former, her attempt at strangulation forgotten. Yang had appeared to be enjoying it, anyway.

"What was that?" Yang asked. "It sounded like a little girl!"

"Or a giant pussy," Blake replied.

End of Chapter 4


	5. Initiation, Part 3

**I don't own RWBY; Rooster Teeth does.**

Chapter 5

Pyrrha ran out of the cave, her "plans" for Jaune temporarily forgotten. Just behind her, a huge Death Stalker smashed its way out of the aforementioned cave, pincers clacking eagerly. _I thought there were only low-level Grimm here!_ Pyrrha thought as she came to stop and turned around, looking at the enormous Grimm. Hanging from its tail just behind the stinger was the source of the high-pitched screaming that was echoing throughout the forest: Pyrrha's new partner (and future bitch) Jaune.

"Pyrrha!" he shouted. "This isn't the relic!"

"No fucking shit!" Pyrrha replied. "Hold on and don't let-" Before she could finish, the Death Stalker reared its tail back and flung Jaune across the forest. "-go."

Having no illusions about her chances against such a powerful Grimm on her own, Pyrrha took off.

* * *

"What the fuck were you thinking?!" Weiss screamed at her new partner as they clung desperately to the talon of a gargantuan Nevermore as it soared through the sky. Fortunately, it didn't seem to notice them.

"I don't recall you having any better ideas!" Ruby screamed right back.

"Yes I did!" Weiss snarled. "I listed them over and over as we got on! I've been listing them!"

"Well I didn't listen! So why don't we just jump?"

"Are you insane?!"

"Little bit." With that, Ruby grabbed Weiss's hand and jumped off, taking the white haired girl with her. Weiss screamed as the two girls began to plummet, but they soon collided with an airborne Jaune, sending all three of them crashing into a nearby tree.

* * *

"What the fuck?" Blake said.

"Did my sister, the rich bitch, and Vomit Boy all smash into a tree?" Yang asked. Blake nodded. "Well, that just raises further questions." Before Blake could reply, she and Yang were distracted by the sight of a large Ursa staggering out of the forest, with what looked like pink explosions coming off of its back.

"YYEEEEHAAAAAHHH!" a familiar (to Yang, anyway) voice shouted out with glee. The Ursa collapsed, revealing the source of the cry, Nora, who tumbled onto the ground. Ren followed her. "Aww... it's broken," Nora said, pouting.

"Nora!" Ren said, panting heavily. Despite having grown up with her, every once in a while Nora still managed to catch even him off guard. "Please... never do that again." When he didn't receive any response, Ren noticed that Nora had already gone over to the ruined temple where the two girls were. "Dammit!"

"Ooooh..." Nora cooed as she admired one of the chess pieces: the gold rook. She snatched it up and began dancing with it. "I'm queen of the castle! I'm queen of the castle!" Nora sang.

"Nora!" Ren's voice echoed throughout the clearing.

The orange-haired lunatic stopped dancing. "Coming, Ren!" Nora shouted before happily bounding back towards her partner, chess piece in hand.

* * *

"Ow..." Ruby groaned. "What was that?" She was still in the tree, draped across a sturdy limb. Weiss was on a nearby limb of her own, looking like she was struggling to get her bearings.

"That was me," Jaune moaned pitifully. He was hanging upside down, his pants snagged by various branches. Before either could ask him why he had been in the air like that, the branches holding him up broke, sending the wannabe huntsman plummeting to the ground below. Ruby and Weiss both winced when Jaune hit the ground.

"That looked like it hurt," Ruby said before leaping down, using shots from Crescent Rose to slow her fall. Weiss followed suit, using her glyphs in the same manner. She landed just a few seconds after Ruby... right on Jaune.

"Gah! My back!" Jaune screamed in a particularly girlish manner as Weiss's heels dug into his spine.

"Look at all these fucks I don't give!" Weiss replied in a seemingly cheerful manner before walking off of Jaune. (She made sure to take her time doing so.) Looking around for her partner, Weiss quickly discovered her with her face wedged firmly in her sister's chest. Ruby wasn't struggling much, simply letting Yang finish the hug on her own. _Is it weird that I find that kind of hot?_

"Oh, I'm so glad you're alright!" Yang said as she released Ruby, her libido forgotten for once. "So who's your partner?"

"That would be me," Weiss spoke up.

"Oh, sis, I'm so sorry," Yang said, hugging Ruby again.

"Two things," Weiss said, "One: What happened to your shirt; and two: What the fuck it THAT supposed to mean?!"

The impending argument was interrupted by the arrival of Pyrrha and the Death Stalker hot on her tail. "Oh, sweet!" Ruby shouted, miraculously breaking out of Yang's embrace. Switching Crescent Rose back to scythe form, the red reaper charged towards the huge Grimm... only to get knocked back with a sweep of its pincers.

"Ruby!" Yang yelled as she ran forward. Unfortunately, she didn't seem to notice the Nevermore circling overhead. It noticed them, however. With a sweep of its wings, the gigantic Grimm fired out a barrage of projectile feathers, forcing Yang to stop in order to avoid getting pin cushioned. As for Ruby, her attempts at avoiding the Death Stalker's claws became much harder once a feather pinned her cape to the ground.

"Crap!" Ruby snapped. As she struggle to free her cape from the giant feather she noticed the Death Stalker's stinger rearing up before striking down. Ruby closed her eyes, fully expecting to feel the arachnid Grimm's stinger impaling her any second. Only she didn't. Opening her eyes, Ruby discovered her would-be killer's stinger was trapped in ice, and looking at her was one annoyed heiress.

"Why didn't you just take your fucking cape off?!" Weiss demanded.

"Uh... because that didn't occur to me?" Ruby replied sheepishly.

"Unbe-fucking-lievable," Weiss grumbled.

"Uh... guys?" Jaune spoke up. "We've still got a Nevermore problem" He pointed upwards towards the aforementioned Grimm still circling above.

"Well, let's get going, then," Weiss said.

"She's right," Ruby said, "We can kill these things some other time." With that, she walked over to the temple and grabbed the gold knight piece while Jaune took the gold rook.

"Hey, that rhymed!" Nora spoke up. Everybody looked at her, confused.

"Don't even bother," Ren said.

* * *

As the eight teens headed out, they came across what looked like another ruined temple, only MUCH larger and in slightly better condition. (You know what it looks like, people.) The Nevermore chose that moment to launch another rain of feathers, which all the hunters in training managed to dodge.

"Nora! Distract it!" Ren called out.

"'Kay!" Nora replied, whipping out Magnhild in grenade launcher form and firing several grenades at the Nevermore, one of which hit it right in the face. As Nora continued to fire, however, the Death Stalker, now free, came charging out of the forest, heading straight for her. Before it could get at her, Ren and Blake leaped at it, slashing the huge Grimm with their respective weapons while Nora managed to get away. Once she was out of the Death Stalker's reach, Blake and Ren quickly retreated, heading after their companions towards the temple and the narrow bridge leading up to it. But as they did so, the Nevermore swooped down and smashed the bridge, leaving Pyrrha, Blake, and Ren on one side with the Death Stalker, and Ruby, Yang, Jaune, Weiss, and Nora on the other.

"We gotta get over there!" Jaune said. "They need help!"

"Hell yes!" Nora replied. "Let's do this!"

"Uh... I can't make that jump."

Nora didn't reply verbally, she simply switched Magnhild to hammer mode and smacked Jaune across the gap in the bridge like a human baseball. As the blond boy landed none too gently on the other side, Nora slammed Magnhild down on the bridge and pulled the trigger, using the momentum to launch herself over towards the Death Stalker before slamming her hammer down on the Grimm's thick cephalothorax. Angry, it lashed out with a claw, knocking Nora back and into Blake, who in turn was knocked off the bridge, where the Nevermore was still flying around.

However, the cat faunus wasn't concerned for a second; she simply switched Gambol Shroud to kusarigama form and threw it at a nearby pillar, using the momentum of her fall to swing towards the Nevermore. As the flying Grimm attempted to bite at her, Blake activated her semblance, leaving a shadow clone to take the hit from the Nevermore's beak while she jumped over its head, switching Gambol Shroud to sword form and swinging it and her sharpened sheath (which kind of defeats the whole purpose of a sheath, but whatever) at the enormous Grimm, to absolutely no affect.

"It's tougher than it looks!" Blake commented as she landed by Ruby, Weiss and Yang. "And it looks pretty fucking tough!"

"Then let's hit it with everything we've got!" Yang replied. With that the four teens faced the Nevermore, which was swooping towards them, while Ruby switched Crescent Rose to gun form while Blake switched her own weapon to pistol form. As one, they all began to fire at the diving Grimm, shooting a veritable shower of bullets, Dust rounds, and concussive blasts at it... to no avail. The Nevermore dived and smashed the tower they were standing on to pieces under them, forcing the four girls to jump, from one falling boulder-sized chunk to another, before they landed safely (for the moment) on another intact section of the temple.

"Well, that was fucking useless," Weiss snapped in frustration.

"Ooh ooh ooh!" Ruby spoke up. "I've got an idea!"

* * *

The battle against the Death Stalker wasn't going much better. The Grimm was too well-armored for any of their weapons to have any affect, and they kept having to dodge its pincers and stinger. At one point, the Death Stalker swung all three appendages at the four teens. Pyrrha and Jaune blocked its claws with their respective shields, while Nora leaped backwards, avoiding the stinger. Ren, however, jumped forwards, landing on the Grimm's tail. Before he could bring Storm Flower to bear, however, the Death Stalker swung its tail backwards, sending the green clad teen flying back and slamming onto a nearby pillar.

"REN!" Nora shouted, then charged at the Death Stalker. She was PISSED. The gigantic Grimm lifted up its claws to block the swing of Magnhild, but as Nora slammed her hammer down again and again, she activated her semblance with each hit. The Death Stalker's tough exoskeleton did absolutely nothing to protect it from blasts of electricity, each the equivalent of getting struck by lightning, surged through its body over and over again.

Seeing their opponent becoming weakened by Nora's electricity, Pyrrha took advantage of the opening the aforementioned girl's attack had created, switching Milo to javelin form and launching it at the Death Stalker. As always, her aim was perfect, and she got it right in the eye. The Death Stalker screeched in pain and rage, but Pyrrha wasn't done yet. Using her Semblance, Pyrrha pushed Milo further into the Grimm's head, reaching all the way into the brain. It collapsed like a puppet with its strings cut.

* * *

Yang was standing atop a tall pillar, launching more concussive blasts at the Nevermore. As it dived down, opening its beak in an attempt to eat her, Yang jumped, holding its mouth open with one hand and punching down it's throat with the other.

"I! Hope! You're! Hungry!" Yang shouted with each punch, before jumping down and landing near the temple ruins. As she did so, the dazed Nevermore crashed into a nearby cliff, before landing on another part of the ruins. Before it could take off again, Weiss charged forward, freezing the Nevermore's tail feathers to the ground with Ice Dust. As the Grimm struggled to get free, Blake climbed up a nearby pillar, switched Gambol shroud back to kusarigama form and launched it at Yang, who had climbed up a pillar of her own. The promiscuous blonde caught it and pulled, stretching the ribbon between them and forming a giant slingshot.

Meanwhile, Ruby aimed Crescent Rose down and pulled the trigger, using the recoil to send herself flying into the ribbon, preparing to be the slingshot's "ammo". As she did so, Weiss summoned a black glyph, pulling Ruby and the ribbon back.

"Figures you'd come up with a plan this fucking crazy," Weiss said.

"Think you can make the shot?" Ruby asked.

"No, I'm pretty sure I'll miss completely and am preparing to fire anyway."

"What?"

"Of course I can make it dumbass!"

With that, Weiss switched the glyph from black to red, firing Ruby out at the still struggling Nevermore. It managed to get free just a spit second too late, as Ruby's scythe caught it around its neck and the little red reaper's feet connected with the cliff. As soon as that happened, Weiss summoned more glyphs up said cliff, enabling Ruby to run up it, pulling the trigger over and over again to increase her momentum and dragging the Nevermore behind her while screaming "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCK..."

As she reached the top, she pulled the trigger one more time, decapitating the bird-like Grimm.

"-YOU!"

As the other three girls watched the Nevermore's headless body tumble to the ground, already dissolving, Yang commented: "Stupid bird should have quit while it was..." she flashed a shit-eating grin, " _ahead._ "

Weiss groaned at the awful pun. Blake didn't reply; she was too busy frantically erasing Ruby's name from her Enemies List.

* * *

"Cardin Winchester, Dove Bronzewing, Russel Thrush, and Sky Lark," Ozpin said to the crowd at the post-initiation ceremony. The named teens stood in front of him with their hands behind their backs. "The four of you retrieved the black bishop pieces. From this day forward, you will work together as Team CRDL. Lead by... Cardin Winchester."

Ozpin then turned towards Jaune, Pyrrha, Nora, and Ren, who were standing in the same manner, and announced: "Jaune Arc, Lie Ren, Nora Valkyrie, and Pyrrha Nikos. The four of you retrieved the gold rook pieces. From this day forward, you will work together as Team PNJR." (Pronounced "pincher".) "Lead by... Pyrrha Nikos."

At this, Pyrrha turned towards Jaune and leered at him with a look that said _You Are Mine._ The blond boy gulped nervously.

Ozpin turned to the last group of the day. "Blake Belladonna, Ruby Rose, Weiss Schnee, and Yang Xiao Long. The four of you retrieved the gold knight pieces. From this day forward, you will work together as Team RWBY. Lead by... Ruby Rose."

The named girl looked astonished, before being wedged face first into her sister's chest. "I'm so proud of you!" Yang said.

Weiss, meanwhile, actually had a fuck to give for once. _Are you fucking kidding me?!_

"It looks like it will be an... interesting year." Ozpin commented. _Or at least an amusing one,_ he mentally added.

* * *

Roman puffed on his cigar as he watched several of his new henchmen clean up what left of Junior. He hadn't been happy with the quality of his previous men, so he'd had Neo... punish him. The tri-colored little sadist had made sure Junior died screaming.

"A little overkill, don't you think?" Cinder Fall asked as she walked up to the crime boss.

Roman shrugged. "Junior's the one who said his boys some of the best. That's a pretty blatant lie."

Cinder kept the disgust off her face with practiced ease. She hated working with this vermin and his psycho sidekick, but desperate times and all that. She just hoped her nieces wouldn't get involved again.

End of Chapter 5


	6. First Day

**RWBY is owned by Rooster Teeth. If it belonged to me, Team RWBY would attend more orgies. And I just realized I've established a pattern of making pervy comments at the beginning of every even-numbered chapter. I think I'll keep it up.**

Chapter 6

TWEEEEEEEEEEEET!

"Gaaah!" Weiss screamed, a perfectly reasonable reaction to somebody blowing a whistle into her ear when she had been sleeping. The heiress tumbled off her bed and onto the ground, then looked up at the source of the noise: Her new partner and leader, Ruby.

"Good morning, Team RWBY!" the red reaper shouted cheerfully. Weiss resisted the urge to strangle her, but only barely.

"What the fucking fuck is wrong with you?!" Weiss demanded, rubbing her ear.

"Oh, did I wake you up? Well it serves you right for not warning us you snore like an Ursa with a sinus condition." Ruby retorted.

"I do not snore!"

Ruby didn't respond verbally; she simply took out her scroll and showed Weiss the little "movie" she had shot last night. It was a close up of the Schnee heiress asleep, drooling on her pillow and loudly snoring. To Weiss's annoyance, it did, indeed, sound like an Ursa with a sinus condition.

"I'm thinking of making it my ringtone," Blake said, smirking. She and Yang were walking into the newly formed team's dorm, each carrying boxes and suitcases.

"Well, enough about that," Ruby said, "right now we've got our first order of business!"

"What the fuck are you talking about?" Weiss demanded.

"Decorating!" Yang replied.

"We still have to unpack," Blake stated. As soon as she said that, one of the suitcases she was carrying opened, spilling its contents on the floor. "…and clean," she added.

A quick montage later, and the four girls stood back and admired their handiwork. In one corner, there was Ruby's miniature workshop, weapons parts already strewn haphazardly over it, and a red and black electric guitar. In another corner, there were whole cabinets full of Dust (with the Schnee logo, of course), as well as a small Dust laboratory. In another corner, there was a large bookshelf filled with, well, books, as well as a stand with that largest book any of the girls had ever seen. Blake had dubbed it her manifesto. There was also a dartboard with a picture of somebody with a White Fang mask and red and black hair. (When asked about it, Blake had said that his name was Adam, he was a pussy, and that was all they needed to know.) And in the last corner, there was Yang's numerous sex-toys and a fully stocked minibar. Unfortunately, all that stuff left precious little room for their beds.

"This isn't going to work," Blake said.

"Oh, gee, our beds bunched up together because our shit takes up too much room isn't going to work?" Weiss spoke up, "and here I was thinking it was fucking ideal."

"Do you have to be a wiseass all the time?!" Blake snapped.

"I'd say she's more like a Weiss-ass!" Yang said with her trademark shit-eating grin. Everybody groaned.

"How about we replace the beds with bunk beds?" Ruby asked.

"That doesn't sound like a disaster waiting to happen or anything," Weiss commented.

"It sure doesn't!" Yang said, oblivious (or perhaps uncaring) to her teammate's sarcasm. "Let's do it!" She thought for a moment. "Wow, usually I say that phrase in a completely different context."

After "converting" their beds into bunk beds, Ruby announced, "Now, for our next order of business: classes!" She looked at a schedule in a binder and continued: "We've all got our first class together at nine…"

"Nine o'clock?!" Weiss interrupted. "That's in five minutes, you fucking idiot!" With that, she took off.

"Uh… to class!" Ruby said before following Weiss, with Yang and Blake close behind her.

* * *

"Monsters! Demons! Prowlers of the night!" Professor Peter Port announced. "The creatures of Grimm are known by many names. But I refer to them only as Prey!" He paused before continuing: "And you will too after you graduate from this prestigious academy!" He continued to drone on, oblivious to the fact that nobody was paying attention. They were all under the spell of his mustache.

 _It- It's magnificent!_

 _What a mustache!_

 _It's like his upper lip was blessed by the heavens themselves…_

Only two people were immune. One of them was Weiss, due to the fact that her father had a fairly awesome 'stache himself. Instead, she was struck by now hammy the Professor was. _He's almost as big of a ham as Winter,_ she thought. _Almost._ She glanced at the only other person not affected by the glory of Port's mustache: one Ruby Rose, whose immunity was due to her being sound asleep. She rolled her eyes. _If she wants to fail, then that's her business._ She turned her attention back to Port, who was wrapping up a long-winded story about his past.

"The moral of this story," he said, completely unaware nobody knew what his story had been, "a true huntsman must be honorable, strategic, well-educated, and wise. So, who among you thinks yourself to be the embodiment of these traits?"

"I do, sir!" Weiss spoke up.

"Well then," Port replied, "care to prove it?"

* * *

After a quick change out of her school uniform, Weiss held up Myrtenaster. Port stood in front of a huge cage with a locked door and hefted his blunderbuss. _Why would he have the axe blades on the handle?_ Weiss wondered.

"Go Weiss!" Yang cheered. "While you were changing, I bet Blake fifty Lien that you'd win!"

"Keep in mind, you're representing Team RWBY!" Ruby added.

"Maybe if I search long and hard enough, I'll find some fucks to give about that." Weiss retorted. "But I doubt it."

Port chopped down on the cage's lock, and the door flew open, a particularly nasty-looking Borbatusk jumping out. Spotting Weiss, the pig-like Grimm charged. The Schnee heiress easily dodged it, scoring a hit on the Borbatusk's flank while she did so. It didn't do any damage, but it did anger it. The Borbatusk attempted to charge several more times, only for its nimble opponent to dodge each time, getting multiple hits on it with Myrtenaster. Now pissed off to no end, the Borbatusk prepared its rolling attack, rocketing towards Weiss with enough force to shatter her Aura (and her bones) with one hit… only to ricochet off of a barrier glyph. Weiss jumped up, conjuring a black glyph in the air, which she jumped off of right at the downed Grimm, stabbing her sword deep into its belly. The Borbatusk squealed for a bit before dying.

"Bravo! Bravo!" Port said. "I can tell we're in the presence of a true Huntress in training!"

Weiss smirked. "Fuck yes, you are," she muttered.

* * *

After class, the team met back at their dorm, to prepare for their other classes. "Weiss," Ruby spoke up, "that was fucking awesome." _And sexy,_ she silently added.

Weiss preened under the flattery. "I know," she smugly replied.

"You know," Blake said as she handed a grinning Yang fifty Lien, "I figured you'd be pissed about not being the leader."

Weiss shrugged. "Yeah, well, what am I going to do, bitch about it? Like that would do anything."

None of her teammates failed to notice that Weiss hadn't denied what Blake said.

End of Chapter 6

 **As you may have noticed, every chapter (except for Chapter 1) I've had Weiss say a different variation on the phrase "I don't give a fuck." If any of you have suggestions for more ways to say it, feel free to share them.**


	7. Fucking Filler

**RWBY is owned by Rooster Teeth and Monty Oum (RIP).**

Chapter 7

"Now, Miss Xiao Long," Glynda said as she calmly buttoned her shirt back up, "I trust that you will keep this between us."

"Sure thing," Yang replied happily as she lounged on the bed in Glynda's room. She was completely naked, with a goofy smile plastered on her face.

"You might want to get dressed," Glynda said as she tied her hair back into its usual bun. "You have combat class in five minutes."

"Oh fuck, I almost forgot!" Yang shouted. She got dressed in record time and bolted out of the room.

* * *

After said combat class was over, the students headed towards the cafeteria for lunch. "Damn," Ruby spoke up, "Jaune sure got his ass kicked."

"How did that pussy even get into Beacon, anyway?" Blake asked.

"I'm right here, you know." Jaune said.

"And?" Blake retorted.

Yang pulled her flask out of her shirt and took a long swig. "Ah, don't worry about it, Jauney-Boy," she said, "You've got Pyrrha. She'll protect her bitch."

"I am not Pyrrha's bitch!" Jaune protested.

"That's not what we heard last night." Weiss countered.

 _Flashback_

 _Team RWBY was sleeping soundly when a knock at the door woke them up. Weiss, having the bed closest to the door, got up and opened it, revealing Ren and Nora in their pajamas, each carrying a blanket and a pillow. "It's three in the fucking morning," the Schnee heiress grumbled. "What is it?!"_

 _"Can we sleep in here for tonight?" Ren asked._

 _"Why?"_

 _Instead of answering, Ren simply pointed behind him towards Team PNJR's room. Thumps could be heard through the closed door, as well as a feminine voice demanding, "WHOSE SWORD IS BIGGER?!"_

 _A (sort of) masculine voice answered, "YOURS IS, MISTRESS!"_

 _End flashback_

"You heard that?!" Jaune shouted.

"Oh, lighten up." Yang replied. "I didn't tell too many people. Just everybody I've fucked so far."

"B-but that's almost everybody!" Jaune stammered. "I mean, you're a-"

"A what?" Yang growled. "And FYI, the use of a certain word that starts with the letter 's' and rhymes with 'gut' will be hazardous to your health."

Ruby decided to change the subject. "Hey Yang," she said, "I thought your flask got broken during initiation."

"It did," Yang answered, turning towards her sister (must to Jaune's relief), "but I got a new one." She reached into her shirt and pulled out a second flask. "I also got a spare."

"How can store both of those in your shirt?" Blake said incredulously.

"Oh, I've got lots of stuff in here," Yang replied, and began pulling other objects out of her shirt, listing them as she did: "I've got my scroll, some spare ammo for Ember Celica, some Dust crystals, a lead pipe, a thermos, some gloves, this funny-looking rock I found, a Koosh ball, a frozen cobra, the photo album of things I've done to Ruby while she's sleeping…"

"Hey!" the named girl spoke up, but Yang ignored her.

"…a mousetrap, a lucky rabbit's foot, a boomerang, that pamphlet that Weiss gave Ruby…" Yang then pulled out a bizarre looking contraption with lightbulbs and cartoony-looking hands sticking out. "…I have no idea what this is… oh! And my favorite sex toy!" She pulled out an enormous purple dildo. "It matches my eyes, and makes for a pretty handy weapon!"

The others stared at it for a few seconds. "How would you even…" Weiss began, but then thought better of it. "Oh fuck, never mind. Let's just go." With that, they continued to the cafeteria, leaving Yang behind while she struggled to put everything back in her shirt.

* * *

"Gee, thanks for waiting for me," Yang said sarcastically, as she sat down next to her team plus Team PNJR, who were already sitting down.

"Well, maybe if you hadn't done that fucking filler scene, you would've gotten here the same time as everybody else." Nora countered, "I mean, yes, that's the name of this chapter, but still…"

"So Jaune," Ruby began, ignoring Nora, (she and the others had learned to take Ren's advice and not question the hammer-wielding nutjob's thought process) "Still moping over getting your ass kicked in combat class? Again?"

"What? N-no!" Jaune protested.

"Or is it because Cardin's been picking on you since the first week of school?" Pyrrha asked.

"Who, Cardin Winchester?" Jaune replied. "He just likes to mess around. You know, practical jokes."

"He's an asshole," Ruby said.

"Jaune, if you need help, you can just ask," Pyrrha said.

"Ooh!" Nora spoke up, "We'll break his legs! Then his arms! Then pull out his teeth! Then…"

As Nora continued to list increasingly gruesome things to do to Cardin, Pyrrha continued: "We'll all be happy to help, right guys?" With that, she turned to Team RWBY, none of whom looked too interested in helping.

"Ha ha, no." Ruby said.

"Got better things to do," Yang added.

"I would," Weiss said, "but I'm fresh out of fucks to give."

"I refuse to help you in any way, shape, or form." Blake snarled, "After what you did…"

"What? What'd I do?" Jaune protested.

Before Blake could answer, their attention was diverted by cries of "Ow! That hurts!" They turned and saw Team CRDL harassing a rabbit faunus; the asshole they had been talking about was pulling on one of her ears.

Velvet Scarletina gritted her teeth. By Oum, it hurt! She couldn't do anything to stop them, as she had her hands full with her lunch tray; and the way Cardin was jerking on her ears was causing her to shake back and forth, thus making it pretty hard to put the aforementioned tray down. However, she eventually managed it, then grabbed Cardin's hand, easily freeing her ears, and twisted. The asshole's laughter became gasps of pain as his arm was twisted in a way it wasn't supposed to go, almost popping it out of its socket. The other members of Team CRDL had stopped laughing as well.

"Listen, first year," the rabbit faunus snapped, "try that again and I'll do much worse than twisting your arm." With that, she released her grip on Cardin. "Now scram." Team CRDL took off running.

Blake smirked, and rose up to congratulate her fellow faunus. "Way to go! That's showing th-"

"Oh yes, don't bother to help, or anything," Velvet snarled, interrupting Blake. "Just sit back and watch!"

Suddenly, Yang rose up from her seat and walked towards Velvet, scooping the rabbit faunus over her shoulder with a "Yoink!"

"Hey!" Velvet protested. "What the fuck are you doing?!"

"We're gonna have sex!"

"Oh, okay."

Blake's eyes narrowed as she watched Yang carry Velvet out of the cafeteria. (Nobody else paid any attention, however; this wasn't the first time the blonde bicycle had carried another student off.) The cat faunus headed back to the table were she'd been sitting and pulled out her Enemies List.

As Nora continued to list things to do to Cardin (which had gone from gruesome to anatomically impossible), Blake asked: "Anybody know her name?"

"Velvet, I think," Ren replied.

Blake opened up her Enemies List and proceeded to write "Velvet" down on the latest page. While she did so, the others looked down at the List.

"Why am I on there?" Jaune protested.

Blake slammed her Enemies List shut. "STILL PRETENDING YOU DON'T KNOW WHAT YOU DID?! I'LL KILL YOU!" With that, she pounced on Jaune, while Pyrrha, Ren, and Ruby attempted to restrain her. Weiss didn't bother, for she was still out of fucks to give.

* * *

"Prior to the events of the Faunus Revolution, more commonly referred to as the Faunus War," Professor, no, _Doctor_ Oobleck went on, zooming from place to place as he did, "Mankind was most adamant about keeping the faunus population in Menagerie." He briefly paused to take yet another drink of coffee before continuing: "Miss Xiao Long, if you would kindly stop fellating that young man for a moment, could you tell us what the turning point of the war was?"

The named girl sat up grumpily (much to the displeasure of the boy she was servicing) and replied: "The Battle of Fort Castle. General Winchester tried to ambush the faunus in their sleep, but because he was a fucking idiot, he didn't know that most faunus have night vision. His massive army was outmatched, and the General was captured." She looked down the room at Cardin, who was glaring at her before continuing: "No wonder the Winchester name has yet to recover, huh, Cardin?" The asshole bristled, but didn't say anything; he simply continued to glare at Yang, who smirked back at him.

"Speaking of family," Oobleck said, "Miss Belladonna, I understand you had an ancestor serving in the faunus forces, am I correct?"

"That's right," Blake replied proudly. "My great-grandfather Benjamin Belladonna. He wrote all about it in his journal." She turned to Cardin and grinned evilly. "He also wrote about how General Winchester cried like a bitch when he was captured." As Cardin looked increasingly enraged, Blake continued. "There was this one time when Great-Grampa Ben had the General get down on his knees and suck his big, faunus d-" The bell went off before Blake could finish.

"And that's all the time we have for today, children!" Oobleck said. "Tomorrow we'll be covering Chapter Four of the book, so make sure you've read up on it. Now, run along!" He zoomed off.

As the student began to leave the classroom, Cardin angrily stormed out, shoving Jaune out of his way and onto the ground as he did so.

Pyrrha helped him up. "My offer still stands," she said.

"You know," Ruby stated, "since you're team leader, you really don't need Jaune's permission to help. You should just go up to Cardin, rip off one of his testicles, and tell him that if he wants to keep the other one, he'll leave your bitch alone."

"Not a half-bad idea, Ruby," Pyrrha replied, ignoring Jaune's proclamations that he was fine, "I think I'll do that. Minus the testicle-ripping."

"You gotta do the testicle-ripping!" Ruby protested, "That's the best part!"

* * *

All in all, it was a typical day at Beacon.

Oh, and some bullshit happened in Forever Fall, but nobody cared about that.

End of Chapter 7

 **When I was doing the new personalities for the cast, I based Blake's heavily off of the protagonist of a not so well known cartoon. See if you can guess who it is.**


	8. Back to the Plot, I Guess

**RWBY belongs to Rooster Teeth. If it belonged to me, Yang would give her sister some "hands on" sex education.**

 **Volume 4 begins in less than three weeks! (At the time of this writing.) Here's hoping Neptune dies! Horribly!**

Chapter 8

"Ah, the Vytal festival!" Weiss said uncharacteristically cheerfully. "This is gonna be so fucking great!"

"It's not like you to have some fucks to give about something that doesn't relate to being a hunter," Ruby pointed out. "It's kinda freaking me out."

Weiss shrugged. "Well, I'm mostly just looking forward to kicking some ass in the tournament."

"Gotta agree with you there," Blake said, "I'm not just going to beat the competition. I'm gonna humiliate them."

Ruby grinned savagely. "We're going to beat them so badly it'll satisfy me sexually." She thought for a moment. "I've been meaning to ask, why are we here at the docks?"

"Students from other schools are supposed to start arriving at Vale today," Weiss explained. "I want to learn about them so I can figure out any weaknesses they might have beforehand." She thought for a moment. "Maybe sabotage them."

"Ooh, I like that idea!" Ruby said, grinning. "Maybe we could ambush them before the tournament!"

"Or we could find a way to drug some of them," Blake suggested.

"I could fuck some of them so hard they'd be in a coma!" Yang spoke up.

"I doubt that would work," Blake said.

"Actually, it would." Ruby countered. "She's done it before. There's a neighbor boy back home who still hasn't woken up."

Weiss and Blake stared incredulously. Yang's attention, however, became occupied elsewhere. "Check out the hunky cops!"

The other girls rolled their eyes, but looked where Yang was looking nonetheless, only to see the cops Yang was talking about standing in front of what looked like a shop with the windows broken and police tape across the front. Curious, the girls walked up.

"What happened here?" Ruby asked.

"Robbery," one of the officers replied. "Second Dust shop to be hit this week."

"Who needs that much Dust?" the other cop asked.

"I dunno. An army?"

"You thinking the White Fang?"

"I'm thinking we don't get paid enough."

* * *

"I'll bet they're right," Weiss said, her good mood gone, "the White Fang would definitely rob a shit-ton of Dust stores like that."

"Would, yes. Could, no." Blake replied. "That collection of idiots and pussies hasn't been worth anything since they kicked me out." The other three girls turned and stared at the cat faunus. "What?" she asked. She thought for a second. "Oh, right. I used to be a member of the White Fang. Did I not mention that yet?"

The pending questions were interrupted by a shout of "Stop that faunus!" Turning towards the docks where the shout had come from, the girls saw Sun Wukong leaping out of an arriving ship.

"Get back here, you fucking stowaway!" one of his pursuers shouted.

"Kiss my ass!" the monkey faunus cheerfully replied as he took off, passing Team RWBY and winking at Blake… who responded by flipping him off.

As Sun took off, followed by the aforementioned pursuers, Ruby commented: "Do you think that he's here for the tournament?"

"About the right age, obvious huntsman training, and he came here on a boat," Blake said. "So yeah, probably."

"Quick! We need to observe him!" Weiss shouted and with that, Team RWBY took off, only to come to a stop when the Schnee heiress collided with a orange-haired girl. Weiss quickly got back up, the monkey faunus forgotten. "Oh shit!"

Penny Poledina smiled cheerfully, uncaring that she was on the ground. "Sal-u-tations!" she said happily.

"Um… hi?" Weiss replied.

"Are you okay?" Yang asked, "We'd better make sure you aren't hurt anywhere; strip down and-"

Blake interrupted her. "Would you stop thinking with your vag for five minutes?!"

"No."

"Do you… want to get up?" Ruby asked.

Penny appeared to think about it for a second. "Yes!" She then stood up, and as Team RWBY took a simultaneous step back, she said, "My name is Penny. It's a pleasure to meet you!"

"Uh… I'm Ruby," replied- guess who- Ruby.

"I'm Weiss."

"I'm Blake."

"Why did we introduce ourselves in the order of our team name?" Yang asked. "Oh, I'm Yang, by the way."

"It's a pleasure to meet you!" Penny said.

"You already said that." Weiss deadpanned.

"…so I did!" Penny replied, not losing her cheerful smile for a second.

"Well, sorry for running into you!" Ruby said, and she and her team turned to walk away.

"That was fucking weird," Yang said.

"Now, about what you were saying before we were interrupted," Weiss said to Blake, only to notice the cat faunus wasn't looking at her.

"She's following us." Blake said.

The other three girls turned and saw that Penny was indeed following them. "Uh, Penny, why are you following us?" Ruby asked.

"Because we're friends!" Penny answered, beaming.

"No, we're not." Weiss said flatly. "Now please go away, we were in the middle of something."

"Okay, new friend!"

"We're not- oh forget it."

* * *

"Okay, before something else happens, Blake, would you mind explaining?" Weiss said.

"Well, as I said earlier, I used to be a member of the White Fang," Blake began, "but those pussies kicked me out."

"Why?" Yang asked.

"Stupid bullshit. They claimed I was 'unstable' and that I kept 'attacking other members with little to no provocation', and other stupid fucking reasons. Also, I made a few of our younger members cry," Blake answered.

Ruby, Yang, and Weiss all exchanged a quick glance. That was Blake, all right.

"Anyway, getting back to the issue of the Dust robberies," Weiss said, "you said that the White Fang couldn't pull them off?"

"I'm confident they can't," Blake replied. "The White Fang are a bunch of pathetic morons."

"You know," a new voice piped up, "there's one way to prove for sure that they did or didn't do it." The girls quickly turned towards the voice and saw a certain monkey faunus perched on a lamppost. "Hi. I'm Sun."

* * *

"Are you sure this is it?" Blake asked Sun as the five teens watched over the docks. It was dark and quiet.

"Definitely." Sun replied, "They kept saying how huge the SDC shipment is." He turned to Weiss. "I'm surprised you don't know anything about it."

The heiress snorted. "Just because I'm gonna run the company someday, doesn't mean I have any say yet. I don't even have a fucking position, because in case you haven't noticed, I'm still underaged."

Any further discussion was cut off by the arrival of an airship which landed and opened its loading doors. Figures wearing familiar looking (to Blake) uniforms stepped out.

"What. The. Fuck?!" Blake snarled. "When did they become competent?!"

Before the others could reply, an unfamiliar voice sounded from the ship: "Let's get a move on, idiots!" Five sets of eyes widened when the disgraced former General James Ironwood stepped into view.

"That fucking traitor!" Weiss snarled, her intention to gloat forgotten.

"Something's wrong," Blake said, "the White Fang would never work with a human."

"Maybe it isn't really them," Yang suggested. "Maybe they're just wearing the uniforms to throw off the authorities."

As the grunts began to get to work one of them, not looking where he was pointing his rifle, accidentally shot one of his fellow members in the head, blowing his brains out.

"No, that's the White Fang, all right," Blake grumbled.

Suddenly, a pair of large vans drove up, and men dressed the same way as the thugs Ruby had fought that night at the Dust shop began spilling out. Ruby's jaw dropped as she recognized the self-proclaimed criminal mastermind who followed them.

"Excuse me," Roman said conversationally, "we've got plans for this Dust, so if you wouldn't mind, please get the fuck out of here."

"We were here first," Ironwood retorted, "Leave, and we'll let you live. Try and fight, and you will die."

"Oh?" Roman said. "Now that would be intimidating, if you were… well, intimidating."

Ironwood's eyes narrowed. "Are you mocking me?"

"No, no, no," Roman said, then snickered. "Yeah." With that, he gestured for his men to attack, and Ironwood did the same.

It soon became clear that both sides were equally incompetent. One of Roman's thugs lifted the axe he was carrying high above his head, only to smack it into the head of a fellow thug behind him. One of the White Fang grunt tripped over a rock, his arms flailing and smacking into a nearby thug's nether regions.

"I honestly can't tell if this is funny or sad," Weiss said as the five teens watched the alleged "battle".

"Well, not everybody there is completely pathetic." Ruby pointed out, gesturing to the center of the brouhaha, where Ironwood and Roman were engaged in battle. Despite Roman's earlier bluster, it was clear he stood no chance against the former General. He was knocked back with a vicious punch to the solar plexus, while Ironwood drew his pistol with his non-punching hand. Before he could aim it, however, there was a flash of light to his left, and a certain tri-colored girl kicked him in the face. As Ironwood stumbled back, Roman, having recovered, brought up Melodic Cudgel and fired. His opponent barely dodged.

"Now this is entertaining!" Yang said.

"What's entertaining?" The five teens jumped at the voice behind them.

"Penny?! What the fuck are you doing here?!" Ruby demanded.

"Hi guys! What are you up to?" the named girl said cheerfully.

"Penny, would you please just go awa-" Ruby was cut off when a stray shot from Melodic Cudgel hit her in the back.

As the other girls helped Ruby up, Penny glared at the direction the shot had come from, her ever-present smile gone. She stormed towards the chaotic fight from the teens' vantage point.

"Uh… Penny, what are you doing?" Yang asked.

"Don't worry Yang," Penny replied. "I'm combat ready!"

"'Combat ready?'" Weiss asked. Then as Penny's back opened as several swords came out, the Schnee heiress said, "Oh, she's a robot. Now I see."

"I wonder if she's anatomically correct." Yang stated.

 **(A/N: Seriously, did anybody NOT figure out that Penny was a robot before the so-called "reveal"? The line "I'm combat ready" alone is a dead giveaway.)**

"Well, whatever the case," Ruby said, having recovered, "she's not going down there alone. Fuck this standing around bullshit." With that, she whipped out Crescent Rose and headed after Penny. The other girls followed suit. Sun sighed, then followed.

* * *

Inside one of the vans, Cinder facepalmed as she recognized the girls (or rather two of them) joining the fracas. _So much for them not getting involved,_ she thought.

* * *

"Hey!" Weiss shouted as she ran up to where Ironwood was fighting Roman and Neo. "You fucking traitor!"

"I'm the traitor?!" Ironwood snarled, recognizing the Schnee heiress. "I served Atlas for over three decades, only to have everything taken away from me!"

"Oh, boo-hoo!" Weiss retorted. "You constantly fucked up, and my sister had to bail out your dumb ass over and over again."

"Don't talk to me about your sister!" Ironwood shouted. "It's all her fault my life was ruined!"

Weiss snorted. "There are these things, they are called fucks; I do not give them." The former General bristled at that, but took a shot from Melodic Cudgel before he could say anything more.

"You do remember that we're fighting here, right, General?" Roman asked. "Oh, and Ice Bitch, this isn't any of your business." He then fired at Weiss, who managed to dodge. The shot went wide, blasting a nearby storage unit… that just so happened to contain a shit load of Fire Dust. The resulting explosion knocked everyone on their respective asses.

As the various combatants began to recover, they began to notice a sound growing louder: sirens.

"Shit!" Roman snarled. "Time to leave!"

"Dammit," Ironwood growled, and shouted to the White Fang, "Retreat!"

* * *

"Well, that was disappointing," Ruby grumbled. "I barely got any chance to fight."

She and the rest of Team RWBY were standing around while the police looked over the scene. The four teens (they had no idea where Penny and Sun had gone) had already answered all their questions (while making sure to omit any mention of Blake's past).

"Now that that's over," Yang said, "there's only one thing to do."

* * *

A few hours later, the girls were back at their dorms. The air was thick with smoke, and they were sitting on the ground with goofy grins on their faces.

"Where'd you get this stuff, Yang?" Ruby asked. "It's way better than your normal stash."

"It's Glynda's," the blonde brawler replied.

"How'd you get this from her?" Weiss said.

Before Yang could answer, her sister interrupted her: "You fucked her, didn't you?"

"Damn right I did," Yang said proudly, before noticing Blake staring at her hands. "What's up, kitty cat?"

"My hands are huge," the cat faunus replied.

* * *

Ironwood swore as he and the White Fang milled around their hideout. A pair of twins walked up to him.

"You, like, should have taken us there," Militia Malachite said.

"Yeah," her twin Melanie agreed, "we want to, like, avenge Junior, and stuff."

* * *

In a different criminal hideout, Roman groaned as Cinder walked up to him. "Listen, I know it was a bust…"

"Actually, it wasn't," Cinder corrected him. "During the chaos, Emerald and Mercury managed to snatch a rather large amount of Dust from the shipment. Not as much as we had intended, but it still wasn't a total loss."

Roman's eyebrows went up. That was news to him. To his side, Neo copied his expression.

Cinder continued: "All in all, is seems this job went off… with a bang." She flashed a shit-eating grin not unlike a certain promiscuous blonde. Roman rolled his eyes, while Neo shook her head. Cinder wasn't done, however. "And it seems Ironwood's activities were revealed… with a Fang." Roman groaned, while Neo facepalmed. Cinder finished in her head: _And the girls' involvement began… with a Yang._

End of Chapter 8

 **Action scenes are a bit of a weakness of mine.**


	9. Scarlet Like Synstylae

**RWBY is owned by Roo- no, I own RWBY now! Ha ha ha! AH HA HA HA! *carted off to insane asylum***

Chapter 9

"I knew you were lost," Mercury Black said smugly.

Emerald Sustrai growled. "Mercury," she snapped, "I will seriously pay you to shut up." She held up a pilfered wallet full of Lien.

"That's not your money," Mercury said, his ever-present smirk never leaving his face.

"But it could be yours for two seconds of silence."

The grey-haired assassin pretended to think about it for a bit. "Yeah, okay," he replied. After Emerald gratefully handed the wallet to him, he took the money out of it, and counted it. Upon tossing the now empty wallet away, he said: "Okay, it's been more than two seconds. Thanks for the money!"

Emerald snarled and stormed away. She couldn't believe she'd fallen for that. Mercury followed her, still smirking. "So what's this place called, again?" he asked.

"Tukson's Book Trade," Emerald replied.

"'Kay, got it," Mercury said. After they walked for a while, he asked: "So, are we there yet?"

"No," his long-suffering partner snapped.

"Are we there yet?"

"No."

"Are we there yet?"

"No!"

"Are we there yet?"

"NO!"

"Are we there yet?"

 **"NO!"**

"Are we there yet?"

 **"YES! WE'RE FUCKING HERE! NOW SHUT THE FUCK UP!"** Emerald screamed as they arrived at their destination. She stormed through the door. _By Oum, I hate him!_

When they walked in, they simultaneously stopped and stared. It looked like somebody had gotten there before them. Blood was splattered everywhere, and their now deceased target was laying on the ground. Judging from the condition of his corpse, not to mention the expression now frozen on his face, Tukson's death had not been a pleasant one. Sitting on the counter was the culprit: Neo, who had her hand down her pants and was playing with herself. She stopped for a while, startled by the two criminals' arrival, but upon seeing who they were went back to her business, completely disregarding them.

"What are you doing here?" Emerald asked.

Neo grimaced in irritation. With her semblance, an illusion of a sheet of paper appeared to float in front of the two, with the words " _Taking care of business, obviously. Roman was too busy._ _Now scram, I was close before you two got here._ "

"Well, why don't I... help you with that?" Mercury offered, smirking.

Neo rolled her eyes. The illusory paper's words changed to " _It's a little difficult to get my rocks off when I'm vomiting. Go the fuck away._ "

Emerald snickered. "All right, we'll leave you to it. Come on, douche nozzle." With that, she dragged the now pouting Mercury out of the store. It was nice to see him not smiling for once.

* * *

"What are you doing?" Weiss asked Blake, who was writing in her Enemies List.

"Just doing some updating," the cat faunus replied.

"I see," Weiss replied, then went back to her lunch.

"Maybe I should get a List of my own," Pyrrha growled. She and the rest of Team PNJR were seated in a table across from Weiss and Blake (Ruby and Yang were running late.) She was glaring at the Schnee heiress.

"Oh, are you still mad?" Weiss said.

Pyrrha didn't answer, she simply continued to glare.

 _Flashback_

 _"...and Jaune killed the Ursa all by his lonesome," Pyrrah said._

 _"I see," Glynda replied, surprised. She turned to Jaune. "Well done Mr. A-"_

 _"Actually," Weiss spoke up, "Pyrrha used her semblance, which is polarity by the way, to guide Jaune's sword. He wouldn't have killed it without her."_

 _Jaune, who'd been so proud, visibly deflated. Glynda nodded. "Well, that makes more sense." She turned back to Pyrrha. "Good job, Ms. Nikos."_

 _Pyrrha glared at Weiss. "Couldn't you have just let him have this?"  
_

 _"Nope!" Weiss replied, beaming._

 _End Flashback._

"You know," Weiss said, "I think I might actually have some fucks to give." She appeared to think for a moment. "No, wait. I'm wrong. I have none."

"He had it coming anyway," Blake snarled. Her completely baseless grudge against Jaune had only grown over the months.

Any further argument was cut off by the arrival of Yang and Ruby. The former was carrying two lunch trays, one for herself and one for her sister. Ruby was seeming to stare into space and mumbling "all these squares make a circle, all these squares make a circle, all these squares make a circle, all these squares make a circle," over and over again.

"What's with her?" Weiss asked.

"Oh, don't worry about Ruby," Yang explained. "She's just tripping hard."

"All these squares make a circle, all these squares make a circle, all these squares make a circle," Ruby continued to chant, her voice starting to grow in volume.

"Team FourStar is fucking awesome," Nora spoke up. Everybody ignored her.

* * *

"So anyway," Sun said, "then these other guys showed up, and they started to fight with the White Fang."

"Go on," Sun's loser friend Neptune Vasilias said.

"So, the regular guys on both sides weren't worth much, but the leaders were another story. And get this: the guy leading the White Fang? Ironwood; you know, the former General of Atlas?"

"You're shitting me!" the blue-haired douche replied.

As they spoke, a huge fleet of Atlesian airships arrived at Beacon. The flagship, which had the Schnee logo painted in bright, garish colors on multiple places, broke off from its brethren and lowered itself near the school, speakers blaring out loud music. Sun, Neptune, and almost everybody else in the vicinity covered their ears. As the ship neared the ground, its loading doors opened up, and a white clad figure jumped down.

* * *

"So," Ruby said, "am I hallucinating, or did a big ass airship with pink bunnies flying around it suddenly touch down outside?"

"Yes on the ship, no on the bunnies." Yang replied.

"So, the bunnies are there, but the ship isn't?"

"No, the other way around."

The doors to the cafeteria were abruptly, and literally, kicked open, revealing the one who had exited the ship: General Winter Schnee. "GREETINGS BEACON STUDENTS!" she thunderously announced. "PLEASE HOLD THY APPLAUSE! I AM SIMPLY HERE TO SPEAK WITH MY SISTER!"

"Oh no..." Weiss groaned, as Winter made her way towards her.

"HELLO, SISTER!" the Atlesian General shouted, slapping Weiss's shoulder and ignoring her wince of pain. "ART THOU WELL?"

"I'm fine," Weiss grumbled.

"IN THAT CASE, THOU SHALT INTRODUCE ME TO THY FRIENDS!"

Weiss sighed. "This is Ruby..."

"Yo," the red reaper said.

"GREETINGS RUBY ROSE! SO THOU ART THE LEADER WEISS SPOKE OF!"

"This is Blake..." Weiss continued.

The cat faunus simply grunted, not looking up from her Enemies List.

"...and that's Yang." Weiss finished, gesturing towards the blonde bicycle, who was eyeing Winter up and down.

"Nice to meet you," she purred, "maybe we should... get to know each other better."

"THOU ART EXPRESSING SEXUAL INTEREST IN ME?" Winter boomed. "I RETURN THY FEELINGS! WE SHALT CONVERSE LATER!" She turned towards Team PNJR. "NOW, WHO ART THY OTHER FRIENDS?"

"Well, I wouldn't exactly call them my friends," Weiss replied, "They're Team PNJR. The ones I told you about."

"AH! I SEE! FORGET WHAT I SAID, THEN!" Winter said.

"What'd she say about us?" Pyrrha asked.

"PLEASE DO NOT SPEAK TO ME!" Winter told her disdainfully.

Before the conversation could continue any longer, Winter's attention was caught by the sight of Glynda, who had entered the cafeteria a few moments ago with Ozpin in tow. "Winter, having sexual relations with students, even if they're not from the same school, is rather inappropriate," she hypocritically stated, trying to hide her jealousy.

"FUCK THEE!" Winter retorted.

Ozpin spoke up before things could escalate. "Winter, I do believe we have some business to discuss. In private."

"OH! THOU ART RIGHT! MY APOLOGIES OZPIN!"

"The great Winter Schnee apologizing?" Glynda gasped sarcastically. "Will wonders never cease?"

"DO NOT MAKE ME STICK MINE RAPIER WHERE THE SUN DOTH NOT SHINE!" Winter snarled. With that, the three left.

"Uh-oh," Ruby spoke up. "I'M COMING DOWN!"

* * *

Inside the White Fang hideout, Ironwood was going over plans with several top-ranking officers, while making sure to speak slowly, using small words in the faint hope that he would be understood, when the Malachite twins came up to him.

"So, like, Tukson's kinda dead," Miltia said.

"What?!" Ironwood shouted.

"She said that Tukson's dead," one of the officers stated. "Is your hearing going bad?"

"I was speaking rhetorically," Ironwood snapped, then upon seeing the confused expression on the officer's face, said, "Rhetorically. It means- oh never mind." _Trying to explain what "rhetorically" means would just confuse them,_ he thought.

* * *

Meanwhile, at a completely different hangout, Emerald and Mercury were meeting with Roman. "Why would you even go there, anyway? Cinder didn't tell you two to get rid of the White Fang's little informant," the self-proclaimed criminal mastermind said.

"No, she told you to," Emerald countered.

"And you passed it off to Neo," Mercury added.

"I was busy," Roman snapped. "Besides, I still killed him, even if it was indirectly. And speaking of things Cinder said, didn't she tell you two to keep your hands clean while we were in Vale?"

"He's right," Cinder spoke up. Everybody jumped, not having noticed her walking up to them.

"Does it really matter, as long as the rat's dead?" Emerald asked.

"I think he was some sort of cat, actually," Mercury corrected.

"What, like a puma?"

"Yeah, there you go."

"Shut. Up." Cinder snapped. "What if somebody had seen you two? It would have been..." She flashed a shit-eating grin. "CATastrophic."

Everybody groaned.

End of Chapter 9

 **Oh god, Volume 4 is turning out so good. I'm not ashamed to admit I cried at the ending scene of Episode Two (several reactors on YouTube sure did), and Blake and Sun's fight with the Sea Dragon Grimm (I hope an official name for it is revealed soon) in Episode Three was so awesome I masturbated to it. I haven't done that since Volume 2.**


End file.
